Pinnacle or Pain ?!

Why do I feel like I am all alone in my team? Why do I have none on my side? 

Struggle and the consequent success are often painted with a broad brush of accolades and admiration, but the path to the pinnacle can be a lonely one. As Mark Twain astutely observed, if you are on the side of majority, you need to pause and introspect. Because you can't be both- with the majority as well as at the top of it. Also, majority can never be at the top. Because if that ever happens, that point no more remains the top. The new top is naturally created in the process. 

Twain's insight reveals that while being part of the majority offers comfort, it also calls for self-examination, especially in the context of leadership and societal structures. The majority represents widely accepted views, but this uniformity often clashes with the idea of being at the top, which requires distinctiveness and excellence. For instance, the orthodox norm of daughters not requiring to pursue higher education since they’re meant to get married one day and their only responsibilities lies in the form of 3Cs- Child-bearers, Cooks and Care-takers. Such social norm creates glass-ceilings for aspiring and ambitious women.

To truly understand the interplay of being into the Majority, then pausing to Introspect and Breaking away from that particular Reference Group to join a new ones, one must delve into the paradox of success and isolation, a theme that resonates deeply with my own journey. We all are born as a part of the Majority that we like to call our Society, and I was not an exception. But my aspirations made me restless, so I paused when I was being felicitated all over my town and beyond for scoring exceptionally well in my 10th grade. I introspected only to find that I'm all by myself. My ambitions are not aligned to the usual social norm- take birth, graduate, get a job, get married, give birth, be responsible for the 3Cs, and eventually die off. Nah, I’d a plan of life for myself. I did and still want to lead my own way and not conform to the ways set since millennia. That nowhere means that I’m a Deviant or a Rebel as Merton would put it. It’s just that I follow the Buddha's teachings and want to experience my own reality for myself. I don’t take somebody else’s reality to be mine. 

From a young age, my curiosity and drive set me apart. While other children reveled in the simplicity of school recess, I was preoccupied with finishing my homework quickly to carve out time for reading, discussing ideas with my mother, watching documentaries with my brother, and meditating with my father. My pursuit of knowledge came at the cost of forming friendships. I found myself alone, navigating a path toward what I hoped would be the pinnacle of success.

As I transitioned to higher education, the sense of isolation only intensified. Opting for a major in Biotechnology when engineering and medicine were the popular choices, I faced resistance, especially from my father. Despite the physical and emotional challenges, including being pressured into engineering, I stubbornly stuck to my chosen path. My time at Fergusson College in Pune, one of the top institutions in Maharashtra, was marked by academic focus at the expense of social interaction. My introverted nature and relentless ambition meant that I rarely engaged in casual chit-chat with classmates, leaving me with only a handful of friends, only one of whom remains close to me today.

After college, my quest for knowledge took me down a rigorous path: preparing for the UPSC CSE, one of the most challenging exams globally. This endeavor required complete immersion, further distancing me from social connections. While the preparation period was arduous, it opened doors to unparalleled learning opportunities at renowned institutions like the University of Milan in Italy, Helsinki University of Finland, and finally having me landed into the prestigious Harvard University in the USA. I could have immense exposure into my quiver. Yet, this journey of intellectual enrichment came with a personal cost. The small, joyful moments that many take for granted—attending a best friend's wedding, celebrating birthdays, enjoying simple conversations over tea at a roadside stall—were sacrificed for my academic ambitions. Can you believe I’ve never dressed up for a wedding in my entire life? I’ve never owned a lipstick, nail-polish, or eyeliner. I’m just as much a person who likes to look pretty during my public appearances. And while it’s a whole other discussion about how women are often reduced to their looks and bodies, it’s worth noting that I missed out on these little joys that the majority see as just a normal part of social existence.

Upon returning to India, the isolation persisted. My achievements, particularly studying at Harvard on a fully funded program, elicited a mix of admiration and jealousy from former peers. The very few connections I had made during my preparation phase seemed to begrudge my success, leaving me once again feeling alone. This experience underscored a painful reality: the higher one climbs, the more solitary the ascent can become. Achieving the top involves setting oneself apart from the majority, which, despite its numerical dominance, does not equate to exceptional achievement. It is therefore maybe, that I don’t see myself as superior or above others; perhaps this is why I come across as humble and grounded.

Despite these challenges, there is a silver lining. My journey has allowed me to be an example setter in my society, particularly in advocating for higher education for daughters. If my achievements can contribute to a shift in societal norms, enabling greater support for female education, then I consider that a significant accomplishment. Yet, even as I find satisfaction in this impact, I grapple with the persistent feeling of being isolated at the top.

Twain also highlights that the top is a dynamic and shifting target. My achievements aren’t the ultimate pinnacle, and while others can definitely aim to reach them, it would be even better if they set new records and push the boundaries. Essentially because as they say, there's always vacant at the top. 

The so-called ‘pinnacle’ people talk that I’ve reached, isn’t really the peak—there’s always room for evolution and progress. And, it seems that I may find my team soon because, as new standards and innovations emerge, what was once considered the top evolves, defined by those who challenge the norm rather than conforming to it. However, this underscores the need for introspection for those in the majority, prompting a reflection on whether one's alignment is based on genuine values or mere conformity. And it did take me some serious self-reflection like Twain said, and as Merton would put it, to break away from the majority reference group.

The pinnacle, it seems, is a place of paradox. While it offers a view of unparalleled achievement, it also comes with a profound sense of solitude. I've learned to embrace that solitude as my companion now, but there were times when I had no one to lean on or share a laugh with. Reflecting Twain’s insight, being part of the majority might require introspection, but reaching the top demands a deeper understanding of the personal sacrifices made along the way. In my experience, the pinnacle is both a place of pride and a reminder of the lonely journey it took to get there. This reminder would also act as a restricting force for me to get high-headed, if at all, in case.